He’s Just Not That Into You has to be one of the first self-help books to be turned into a fictionalised Hollywood movie. It is based on the book of the same name – which to be honest, I haven’t actually read. Let’s bear in mind that it was written by former Sex In The City writers, one of whom is a comedian. Yes. As the man said himself in an interview I read recently, if you’re taking relationship advice from a comedian, it kind of says something about the state of your relationships.
Where do I even start with this movie? Initially, it seemed to be making some very valid points. Especially for someone like me who saw so much of herself in the bumbling, eager and self-doubting Gigi – a sweet girl who’s just looking for love and just doesn’t quite know the rules of these things. I’m pretty sure I’m not quite as cringe-worthy or as silly as Gigi but to be honest, I see far more of myself in her than I should really admit. How many girls didn’t quietly identify with a girl who, when told she shouldn’t go out with guys who aren’t that into her, wonders innocently “But then who will go out with me?”
So at first the message hit home – look at how pathetic you are, the movie cried! Can’t you see how obvious it is, dummy? If he doesn’t call, if he doesn’t text, if he treats you like crap, if he won’t marry you – he’s just not that into you! Don’t listen to all the people who have stories about friends of friends who ended up being the exception to the rule. You are not the exception, you are never the exception, don’t sit around waiting to be the exception. You are the rule!
This was up until about the last 10 minutes of the movie. And then, true to Hollywood and yet completely going against the entire message and premise of the whole movie, the final 10 minutes proceeded to undo everything the whole movie had been putting across. Suddenly the rules went out the window and all the girls were the exception. Suddenly the jerk really did care, the commitment-phobe really did want to get married – suddenly it seemed that maybe, just maybe, if you wait around for him just long enough – maybe you really will finally be the exception, maybe he really is into you after all and just didn’t know it. They actually took the whole ‘just get over it, be strong and move on’ message and totally turned it around, and in doing so perpetuated just exactly what the book and the first part of the movie was trying to make you let go of.
If the people sitting behind me in the movie weren’t sure of what I thought of this movie from my splutterings up til this point, I’m pretty sure they had a fairly good idea when a wedding festooned yacht exploded victoriously on screen and I couldn’t quite hold back the exclaimation of ‘Oh come ON!’ that burst forth in disgust.
The other bone I have to pick with this movie is the way it portrays women as pathetic, grasping beings just desperately groping after a man. The man, of course, being the one in control, who can grant or withdraw his attention at his cold-hearted whim. The basic message I got was: just accept that men are jerks and stop sitting around expecting them to act in any way like decent human beings.
I went to this movie as a fun ‘girl’s night’ with my female friends. We all came out of it feeling utterly defeated and drowned our incredible despair in glasses of wine, sitting around in stunned silence, occasionally muttering ‘man, I feel so depressed!’. I came out feeling so incredibly glad to be single and felt like I never ever wanted to go near another man ever again. This was about the time I started contemplating the advantages of life as a crazy old cat lady. I actually felt kind of disgusted at the thought of the whole male gender and didn’t want any of those bastards anywhere near me.
Well, when I say we all felt like this – I should say, all of us who were single. The one of us who was newly in a couple admitted to tearing up a little at the yacht scene. I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.
Do I sound bitter?
The worst part of it is that it wasn’t even funny. It was really more cringe-worthy than funny at any point. It was long, not funny, internally contradictory… I’m struggling to find any redeeming feature at all. Even the hot guy somehow lost so much hotness by being a complete asshole.
I would really love to hear a male perspective on this film. Are all guys really like this? Is there any hope?
Perhaps I better start adding cat food to my shopping list…
Emily's Quest 