Emily’s Quest

November 24, 2009

No More Quest!

Peace is not merely a distant goal that we seek,
but a means by which we arrive at that goal.

~ Martin Luther King Jr

For years, I had a blog called “Emily’s Quest”.  I decided that the title of that blog, which has summed up my entire approach to life so far, epitomises exactly why I have had so much struggle with life.

“Emily’s Quest”.  It suggests that I am somehow searching for something I don’t have, ‘questing’ for some answers I will never find.  It suggests I am wanting some kind of destination or answer more than I want the moment I already dwell in.

I decided what I need is not a change of circumstance but rather a change of mindset.  I do not need to reach some specific goal or destination.  There is no holy grail at the end of the quest, without which my whole life journey has been in vain.  Rather, I have looked down and realised I have held this holy grail in my hands the whole time. 

I am already alive.  In every moment, I have arrived.  I don’t need to wait for life to begin.  It is already here, and every moment is available to me to enjoy or not, as I please.

So no more questing.  But that does not mean to stop living or to stop exploring – quite the opposite.  It means to view each step along the way as worthy in and of itself.  It means to love each moment as it is, rather than as it was or should/could be.

For all my pontificating on the value of the present moment, it has only really hit me in the last couple of days what it really means to live that truth as a reality.

So instead of questing all the time for something else, instead I choose to say YES to life, and YES to every moment within it.

I’ll be doing that here, if you would like to join me on teh journey:


For a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin – real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. This perspective has helped me to see there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So treasure every moment you have and remember that time waits for no one.

Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

~ Souza


November 14, 2009

Roadtrips and other such journeys

Filed under: Life Updates — Tags: , , , , — Emily @ 8:34 pm

Tomorrow I’m going on a roadtrip!

I have almost decided that I am going to stay in Wellington for good now.  I say almost… I have decided really – well, my heart has decided.  I’m just trying to convince the rest of myself that it doesn’t matter what other people think of me.  Which has really been my problem my whole life.  I strive so much for honesty and authenticity, and yet I have so much trouble being true to my Self (or even knowing who that self is) – which is somewhat of a contradiction, but then, I have always been a walking contradiction 😛

I want to stay in Wellington because my heart and soul is here – I don’t know why and I don’t know how to explain it, but that is how it feels.  This is the one place in the world where I feel centred, I feel me, I feel like I could live happily here in bliss doing anything – it doesn’t really matter as long as I’m here with my family and my Self and my friends and this fantastic city that makes me feel alive.

All this medical stuff… I do have an interest in it, but I certainly haven’t found my niche yet, and I have an interest in so many things.  I feel like I need to relax and let me become myself, rather than forcing myself into an image of how I think I should be.  So here I am again, trying to let go, trying to just be.

So I’m looking for work in Wellington at the moment, sleeping on my Mummy’s couch again, and strangely happy (although confused as always).  Tomorrow I am getting a 12 hour bus to Auckland to get my stuff and my car.  The next day, myself and a couple of tourists will roadtrip our way down the North Island back to Wellington over a few days.  I am totally excited.  We are going to do touristy things like visit the Waitomo Caves (have never done that, am looking forward to it) and stay overnight near Mt Ruapehu.

I LOVE road trips so I am totally psyched.  I also LOVE the Wellington-Auckland bus trip with Naked Bus  so I am very excited about tomorrow also.  I love just sitting back, putting my mp3 player on and disappearing into my blissful little world while the wonderful scenery of this amazing country that I love drifts past my window for 12 hours straight, with the odd little leg-stretch stop and re-fuel in between – fantastic.

Guess I better go chuck a few things in a bag and getready to roadtrip!

November 10, 2009


Filed under: Life Updates, Philosophising — Tags: , , , , , — Emily @ 3:43 pm

I have had enough.

Enough running, enough searching, enough trying, enough becoming – enough questing. I have had enough trying to be something different than what I am. Enough trying to become – to become better, different, worthy. Enough trying to redeem myself for sins I can’t identify, enough trying to prove myself, enough trying to justify my very existence. Enough sacrifice, enough study, enough self-depreciation, enough of men who reinforce a sense of worthlessness, enough of believing in worthlessness myself. Enough of being an octagonal peg, an irregular peg, an Emily-shaped peg, in a square hole, a round hole, a triangle hole – in somebody else’s hole. I thought if I made a career out of saving other people’s lives, caring for other people, meaning something to other people – ignoring all the things I love and that make me who I am, to become the life-saver, the giver, the worthy saint – that then maybe I would be enough.

I am enough.

I am enough right now, just as I am, today. I have nothing to prove, nothing to redeem, nothing to make up for or make better. Of course I can continue to grow, to grow into myself, into all the space beyond that my body aches to fill- but that doesn’t mean I have to fundamentally change, to become – to become better, to fix myself, to become someone else, someone more worthy. I am already worthy of all I am and all I have and more. I am already a person. I am creative, philosophical, expansive, hopeful, loving, genuine, honest, expressive, independent, personable, free spirited, spiritual, slight crazy… I have nothing to prove. I already am.


August 12, 2009

An Imperfect Post About Perfection

Filed under: Life Updates, Philosophising — Tags: , , — Emily @ 8:02 am

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.

– Miss Piggy

I have realised that I am too often paralysed by my self-imposed need for perfection.

I haven’t written a post on here for ages because I wanted just the right quotes and just the right words, I wanted it to be a perfect piece before I even sent it out into the world, I didn’t want to expose the messiness and imperfection of my own life.  I have a pile of unreplied-to e-mails in my inbox because I’m waiting for the time when I can sit down and reply to them “properly”.  I start courses and careers and then quit, partly because there is a little voice in me saying – what if I suck at this?  What if I’m not the best there is at this?  What if I’m not perfect?

It’s like I’d rather do nothing than do anything to any standard less than perfection.

Perfection being unachievable, it means I’ve spent a lot of my life achieving nothing.

Recently I’ve been learning to let go of my need for perfection.   I’ve been learning that maybe ‘good enough’ really is sometimes good enough.  I’ve been learning that maybe you’ll get more done and achieved aiming for good enough than you will paralysed by the fear that you’ll never do it perfect so why even start?

So I started this post with a quote I chose, not because it is perfect for this post, but because it is funny.  I’m starting to kind of approach life that way.

My life since I last wrote has followed a convoluted path that has somehow lead perfectly (there’s that word!) to exactly where I need and want to be.  I am now studying a Bachelor of Health Science (Paramedic) at Auckland University of Technology and living on the North Shore in Auckland (that means I’ll one day drive ambulances and you know, fix broken people – at least enough to get them to the hospital).  I love it.  I’m living with a crazy boy and a couple of random flatmates and some nutty-arse dogs and some gorgeous, crazy kids and it’s messy and hard and takes some getting used to and I love it.  By letting go of all need to be seen as perfect, by going with the flow of life and not giving two craps what anyone else thinks of it, I have somehow landed in this happy little niche that seems like it was just waiting for me to wake up and embrace life.

Now I’m about to head off to my part time job  – as a clinical transcriptionist (doesn’t that sound so much cooler than ‘medical typist? :P) at Greenlane Hospital in Auckland.  It is casual, easy, well-paying, has hours to suit, and is – well – perfect.

I will write more of an update on my life later.  But now I gotta run.  So I’m not going to end this on some beautifully phrased piece of poignance.  It’s not a perfect post.  But I reckon, for now, it’s better than nothing – and it’s good enough.


June 11, 2009

A Great, Big, Philosophical “Wheeeee!”

What has travelling taught you?

When I first arrived, I acted like a tourist.  I was attracted to the beautiful landscape.  I took tons of pictures and wrote my dairy every day.  Later, I found that life is just the same no matter where I am.  It is always the people I meet that make the difference.

~ Shuk Fan Ip (quoted in TNT backpackers magazine, Issue 524)

 “Life is just the same no matter where I am”.  I cannot think of a more perfect sentence to sum up where I find myself in life at the moment.

So I embarked on my travel adventure last month, at the last minute actually landing in Brisbane rather than Sydney.  I had decided – with the blank slate of life before me and truly nothing written on it, total freedom in my backpack and very little else (besides a change of undies or two) – that I was just going to follow my whim in every decision.  I was travelling utterly alone and unencumbered and nothing mattered but what I felt the pull to do next.

I had a friend once, a blocked creative working in an office job, who told me about how he had one day gone for a walk through town and decided that he was just going to follow wherever the urge or pull took him.  Along the path of this walk, he came across an independent magazine which he ended up finding creative outlet in, by doing a lot of design and illustration for them, and I think was an important step on his path to being more true to the voice inside himself.

This was exactly the approach I decided to adopt to my travel plans, just on a slightly grander scale – not “which street shall I turn down next, soul?” but rather “what city shall I travel to next?  What shall I do there?”.  I truly had no idea where I would end up or what I would end up doing.

Shortly after arriving in Brisbane, my good friend was in Cairns for a conference, so I took a train up and met her there, and had an absolute blast.  After that, my whim took me to Darwin, down to Alice Springs, then on a camping trip via Uluru and the Outback to Adelaide.  The plan had been to continue on to Perth, where I would get a job and settle for a bit.

All this happened in the space of about 3 weeks, but I learned an important lesson in amongst it all very quickly: Life is just the same no matter where I am, or in other, oft-quoted words: “wherever I go, there I am” – something everyone knows to be true but really is best learned through experience.  No matter where you go, you are still who you are and you still have to do something with yourself and your life.  Life is not suspended or changed because you are in another country or city.  Life is still sitting there saying: How are you going to use me?  What do you believe in and are you living those beliefs and values in the actions of your life?

I also learned another very important lesson, between being alone in Brisbane, to partying and chatting and hanging out in Cairns with my good friend, to setting off alone again once she went home and I continued on.  I have said this in a very old post once before and I learned the truth of it again: life exists most significantly in the interaction between the self and another.  Cairns was one of the most fun times of my life, not because of the town itself but because of the company I shared and the fun we were able to create together.  The tours and experiences, the memory of which I cherish the most, are those I shared with other people, whether it was my good friend or new found friends.  People are what make life what it is, sharing your experiences and your self with other people is what makes an adventure fun, memorable, meaningful.  The freedom of solitude and independence is a small price to pay for the deeper contentment of interaction and sharing with another person, especially one you care about – even if that sometimes means compromise.

Feeling the truth of these two lessons to the core of my bones, there was another thing adding to my experience of my trip.  I had a cold/flu the entire time.  I arrived with it and it never quite left me.  By the time I arrived in Adelaide, I was feeling very sick, I was running out of money and didn’t feel up to job hunting in my condition.  So, trusting the voice as I had been the whole trip to guide me to the next step, I flew home to Wellington.

So did I come home because I was sick?  It would be a convenient excuse – it certainly was at the time.  But if I dig deep and am really, truthfully honest with myself… no, I don’t believe that is truly why I came home.  I believe I came home because, running out of money, I was also running out of the luxury of ‘running’ – I was going to have to stop and get a ‘pay-the-bills’ job.  I was going to have to stop and re-enter the real world and face life and either answer or continue to try to avoid its eternal questions.  No matter how long I kept running or filling my days with filing and reading, I realised that Life was always there, just beyond my point of focus, asking: How are you going to use me?  What do you believe in and are you living those beliefs and values in the actions of your life? 

The thing with office jobs (or really any job that isn’t your true calling) is that they require just enough concentration to be able to block out that silent whisper much of the time or at least silence it to a dull, irritating background noise.  But they can also be mindless enough (or not engaging enough of your true interest) that every now and then, and far more often than is comfortable, that little voice of Life starts nudging its way into your awareness, tap tap tapping at the edges of your self in ways that make you squirm and desperately seek out something else to file or another spreadsheet that needs updating, as if you could somehow fit Life between cells A1 and D12, insert formula, done.  Ctrl-alt-delete and start again.

I believe physical illness is an outer symptom of a deeper dis-ease, something that manifests when there is a gap between what we are currently doing and who we are being in life, versus who we truly are and want to be and what we truly want do – when there is dis-ease between our soul and our actions, our outer circumstances.  So I don’t believe I was the pitiful victim of a nasty flu.  I believe I subconsciously created the circumstances that would require me to face up to myself and to what I actually want from life – in fact, not just want I want from life, but what I want to give in life.

I know to some, especially to worshipers at the alter of science, these beliefs sound airy-fairy, written off as new agey, esoterical nonsense.  But the more I get in touch with myself and with life, the more I believe and see evidence of them, and the less ashamed I am to admit to them.  I like to explore all of life, all of its nooks and crannies, I am not content to just sit on the surface of it, and yes, that means exploring spirituality and being open to all the possibilities.  Spirituality has become a dirty word these days and I think that is sad.  Even science is just part of the unquenchable human need and quest to understand life and all its mysteries.  Erwin Chargaff, the biochemist who discovered base pairing in DNA, said of biology: “No other science deals in its very name with a subject that it cannot define.”

What is life?  And how are we best to live it?  That is all any of us are trying to figure out.

So I came home, which was just the next step in the subconscious path I was following; I came home for a few moments of solitude, that I may hear the voice waiting for me in the silence.

I believe that when you are following your true path, things will tend to all just slide into place.  I believe that your true path is like a river and when you surrender to it, it will naturally sweep you along to places you had barely even imagined, and the best thing you can do is just let go of the oars and enjoy the ride.

That is kind of what seems to be happening in my life right now.  Anyone who knows me knows I have always been interested in health and medicine.  I sought my path in allopathic medicine, in doctoring and nursing.  As my ideas and beliefs have developed, I have become increasily interested in natural health and traditional approaches to holistic health and wellbeing.  I have long been drawn to a natural therapies college in Auckland called Wellpark.  I admire their integrative and forward thinking philosophy – they have a vision in which allopathic and complementary medicine work hand in hand, rather than in battle as they seem to be currently.  This is where I truly see the future of medicine and healing to lie – I believe all forms of medicine have important things to contribute and we would do well to work together and learn from each other, so that a more holistic form of medical treatment can arise, one that unites both the art and science of healing.  They are also the first institution in New Zealand to introduce a degree level Bachelors of Naturopathy, to begin next year (2010).

So I made a couple of enquiries and before I knew it, life was sweeping me along.  For the second semester of this year, beginning the last week of July, I will be doing a Certificate of Aromatherapy at Wellpark College in Grey Lynn, Auckland.  I think doing this 6 month certificate will give me enough of a taste of the field of natural therapies to decide whether I want to pursue the study of Naturopathy and Herbal Medicine ongoing – and if that makes me a crazy, tree-hugging, hippy new ager, then I take the title happily :P.  And I am making the move this Tuesday coming!  As I say – life is sweeping me along.  I’m just throwing up the oars and going “Wheeeeeeee!”

I wrote these words in the last post on this blog before I left on my trip, and they are as appropriate to this next step in my journey as they were to that last one:

Emily’s Quest is about living and loving the questions in the faith, hope and trust that I will somehow live my way into the answer.  And so I am going to embrace the unknown and keep asking the question into the darkness, in the faith that one day I will look around and realise I am living the answer already and always have been.

I haven’t stopped asking – I have realised I can’t, no matter how hard and far I run.  So I’m sitting inside the question now, and keep living answer after answer until finally something fits.

It is enough that one surrenders oneself. Surrender is to give oneself up to the original cause of one’s being. Do not delude yourself by imagining such a source to be some God outside of you. One’s source is within oneself.

~ Ramana Maharishi

May 9, 2009

Mad Season

Filed under: Life Updates — Tags: , , , , , , — Emily @ 7:11 pm

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.


What an amazing, amazing summer I have had in wonderful Wellington with wonderful people.  I have had the best time of my life with the best friends I’ve ever had.  I’ve felt carefree and cared for.  It makes you realise what is really important in life.  Living it!  I have worked as a Medical Typist, felt lost and confused and searching for my meaning – and yet, all along, I was already living life, surrounded by amazing people in the best city in the world.

Can you believe I spent so much of my summer with this as the view I woke up to every morning out my window:Wellington Harbour

There was always a sense of peace knowing that, whatever else was going on, I could retreat to that gorgeous room and that gorgeous view.

But of course the summer wouldn’t have beenwhat it was without the awesome people I met and was lucky enough to spend my time with.  My girls – you know who you are – I love you all like sisters.  Well, some of you are my sisters – so that’s lucky.  But you know what I mean 😛  You are all awesome.

girls at earth hour

Now it seems that the summer is coming to an end and those cold cold Wellington winds are blowing us separate ways.  I sincerely hope that this wonderful summer has forged friendships and memories that will outlast any distance of time or geography.

But now, as the season turns, I am leaving these blustery shores of the city I love and heading out into the world to see what may come my way and what adventures I may discover.  I leave in 3 days on a one-way ticket to Australia – and beyond. 

How do I feel?  I know how I should feel – I should feel excited right?  Ready to embark – finally – on my adventure.

I don’t, really.  I feel lost.  I have lost – and am trying to let go of – everything I thought defined me… everything I used to define me to avoid the quest of discovering who I really am.  So I embark on this adventure, really because there is just nothing left for me to do.  As much as I love my friends and my family and my city here – somehow I have to leave to see what what there is in this life for me.

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

~ the Bible, Ecclesiastes III, 3:1-3:8

April 19, 2009

Taking The First Step

Filed under: Life Updates, Philosophising — Tags: , , , , — Emily @ 12:51 pm

Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.
~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

I have learned that to adhere to ‘stickability’, you have to know yourself enough to know what you want to stick at.  I continue to believe that when you find your own unique place in the world, you will automatically be driven to ‘stick’ with it, to keep going even when it’s hard or unpleasant, to commit for better or worse because there is nothing else for you, because what you do is driven by who you are and who you essentially need to be.

I had been thinking about going back to Med School.  I think because my head had been going overtime and I needed an easy answer.  I need to know that my life is worth something, that it has meaning in some way, some purpose.  I think Med School seems like an easy panacea for me – it’s like  a ready-made purpose all wrapped up in social acceptability, so that I wouldn’t have to think anymore, wouldn’t have to keep asking the question – not just who but why am I?!

I came to the conclusion that going back to Med School was rather more running from the question than moving towards the answer.  Flailing about in the unknown, the blank slate of unknown purpose, I gravitated back to that which seemed a nice, neat definition for me, something to make my life make sense.

But Emily’s Quest is about living and loving the questions in the faith, hope and trust that I will somehow live my way into the answer.  And so I am going to embrace the unknown and keep asking the question into the darkness, in the faith that one day I will look around and realise I am living the answer already and always have been.

So in a way I was right about this year being about stickability, but not in the way I thought.  It’s not about sticking to an arbitrary sense of external validation and definition, but rather about sticking true to that little voice in my soul that urges me on and learning to just be with it long enough to really hear what it is saying, not trying to cover it over with easy solutions and quick-fix bandaids.

For some reason, that little voice  – that is not really a voice at all but a sense, a knowning, an urging – has been pulling me for a long time towards Australia, and in particular Sydney.  Don’t ask me why or what I even mean by that – it’s just there.

So, I am finally, finally, finally, just going to have the guts to just bloody do it.  Enough talking, enough thinking, enough questioning of motives.  I am currently in almost exactly the same situation that I have been at least two other times in my life.  I talking exactly the same right down to where I’m working and where I’m living.  There is a pattern repeating in my life and I recognise the place I am at with much familiarity.  And you know what they say about what happens if you ‘always do what you’ve always done…’

So I am making a difference choice this time.  I am (hopefully!) breaking the pattern.  How lucky I am to live in a life where I get to choose again.  The first two times I chose wrong.  So life as brought me back the exact same situation and now I get to choose again.

This time I choose the fear, I choose the excitement, I choose the small voice inside of me that won’t be drowned out, I choose the absolute unknown and the vastness of the world ahead of me, I choose to dance with the questions of life.

I am terrified.  I am excited.  I am alive!

Sydney here I come!

Sydney here I come!

March 30, 2009


Filed under: Life Updates, Philosophising — Tags: , — Emily @ 9:30 pm

I’m currently in the process of pimping this blog out – by which I mean, importing all my random stuff written elsewhere and consolidating it into one handy dandy online notebook.  I wrenched all of my previous blog from the Googley hands of Blogger, added some other stuff I did recently, and voila!

If last year was about self-acceptance and embracing the constancy of change, I think this year is shaping up to be about stickability.  About the value in just sticking with something through thick and thin, of finding something you believe in and just doing it, good times and bad, no matter what.  About actually building something solid and worthwhile in life, a foundation from which to actually accomplish something of value rather than just flitting from the surface of one thing to the next and never staying long enough to see out the shit and build something meaningful.

Hopefully this means that in another 5 years, I will be able to look back and say I actually have something to show for it, I actually used that time to stick at something and become something I believe in.

All of this vague waffle does actually have a concrete underpinning, but I’m holding those cards close to my chest at little longer until I know that it will all go to plan.  Solid, committed, stop-running-away-stand-still-and-actually-do-what-you-came-here-to-do plan.

I promise the details will be forthcoming shortly…

Life: to be continued…

November 13, 2008

Day of Art and Fun in Welly!

Wow, what a brilliant day I had today!

Went and investigated some options up at the Vic campus, which was nice because Vic is such a great Uni and it reminded me of the great time I had there doing my BA 🙂  Sat in the little graveyard perched on a stone overlooking Wellington city and harbour, basking in the sun and generally revelling in the gloriousness that is Wellington on a beautiful sunny morning.

Then I wandered down to the Weltec campus to ensure I was enrolled for the summer – I am going to be doing a Certificate in Art & Design in an attempt to find my avenue of creative expression, give some things a go, and just generally have some fun and a play around!

While at the Weltec city campus I had a wander around the exhibtions of the current Creative Technologies students to get a feel for the place (on til November 18 for anyone interested, at 11 Church St).  I have to confess, I just don’t get ‘installations’.  Like, you know – let’s lie some things around the floor and say it’s art.  How is that art?  To me art is either meaningful or beautiful or both.  What is meaningful or beautiful about random stuff scattered around a room?  But maybe I’m just uncultured or old fashioned or something 😛

Then, on pure spontaneous impulse, I went to a lunchtime Catholic mass at St Mary of the Angels church just down from Weltec, which was a very interesting experience.  I just happened to be passing and thought: ‘well, I’ve never done that before’.  Quite peaceful and nice actually, I found it surprisingly enjoyable.  Cool church too.

Then, on wandering through Civic Square to find a perch to eat lunch, I stumbled across the Cartooning for Peace exhibtion:

Cartooning for Peace display in Wellington's Civic Square

Cartooning for Peace display in Wellington

Luckily I had my handy dandy cellphone camera with me, you can check out the rest of the photos I took here.

I spent a glorious lunch on the bridge from Civic Square, overlooking the boatshed and Wellington Harbour, being whispered to by the stone, and feeling in the sun and wind that right there was really all the church or temple I needed.

On the way back to Cuba St I discovered that the Cartooning for Peace exhibition continued inside the Michael Fowler centre, with a display of tons of political cartoon which were really cool – it’s really neat how they can put a concept so poignantly in pictures which wouldn’t be expressed nearly so well in words.

Then I wandered the funky awesomeness of Cuba St, ending up at another Weltec visual arts exhibiton at Thistle Hall, which was much more to my artistic taste – I especially liked the realist painting of Helen Clark with a Moko, which had obviously prompted the ire of a Maori gentleman busy arguing with the poor young girl supervising the exhibition when I walked in, over the respectfulness of painting someone without their permission, and somewhat contrarily, why there wasn’t also one of John Key.

This was followed by rather too much time spent in Real Groovy, which has to be the randomest collection of stuff in a store ever.  Where else could you find a bin of $2 Shakespeare next to Britney CDs, heavy metal T-shirts and books of surrealist comics?  Gotta love it!

A little trip to some wonderful little arty, knick-knacky stores like Magnolia and Koru and finally, that bookshop to rule them all, Auntie Bees, and the day was complete.

Wellington speaks to my soul!

October 30, 2008

Finding Myself in Wellington

Filed under: Life Updates — Tags: , , , , — Emily @ 9:32 pm

The biggest surprise on the soulful journey to authenticity, whether as a philosophy or a spiritual path, is that the path is a spiral. We go up, but we go in circles. Eash time around, the view gets a little bit wider.
~ Sarah Ban Breathnach

Being back in Wellington is wonderful!

There is something about this place that ‘remembers me to myself’ – the ode to Wellington I wrote really says it all.  Anywhere else, and I feel like a part of me is being drawn here.  Being here, I feel somehow deeply at home, no matter what else is going on.

A wonderful friend of mine put it perfectly in a message to me recently (I hope she doesn’t mind me borrowing!):

“Money and a sense of direction are sooo secondary to a sense of wholeness & belonging.”

Right now, I would rather be broke and directionless in Wellington than wildly successful anywhere else.  That might sound crazy, but then I’ve never professed to be sane.  For whatever reason, this is my place right now.

So far this week I have spent my days looking for jobs, reawakening to my creative spirit, wandering the streets of my favourite city, and indulging in the daily laughter and philosophy that comes with living with my Mum and sister.


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