Migration/Consolodation

I’m currently in the process of pimping this blog out – by which I mean, importing all my random stuff written elsewhere and consolidating it into one handy dandy online notebook.  I wrenched all of my previous blog from the Googley hands of Blogger, added some other stuff I did recently, and voila!

If last year was about self-acceptance and embracing the constancy of change, I think this year is shaping up to be about stickability.  About the value in just sticking with something through thick and thin, of finding something you believe in and just doing it, good times and bad, no matter what.  About actually building something solid and worthwhile in life, a foundation from which to actually accomplish something of value rather than just flitting from the surface of one thing to the next and never staying long enough to see out the shit and build something meaningful.

Hopefully this means that in another 5 years, I will be able to look back and say I actually have something to show for it, I actually used that time to stick at something and become something I believe in.

All of this vague waffle does actually have a concrete underpinning, but I’m holding those cards close to my chest at little longer until I know that it will all go to plan.  Solid, committed, stop-running-away-stand-still-and-actually-do-what-you-came-here-to-do plan.

I promise the details will be forthcoming shortly…

Life: to be continued…

More Wackness Than Dopeness

Part homage to the nineties, part coming-of-age story, The Wackness is a little indie movie that has been getting great reviews, about a teenage boy who swaps marijuana for friendship and counselling sessions from a barely-holding-it-together psychiatrist while harbouring a crush on said psychiatrist’s step-daughter.To be honest, I didn’t get what all the fuss is about with this movie. It was kind of like a depressed Juno with way more grit and way less sweetness. It seems like Stephanie (the step-daughter) may equally have been talking to the movie’s writer/creator as to protagonist Luke Shapiro when she says:

“Know what your problem is, Shapiro? It’s that you just have this really shitty way of looking at things, ya know? I don’t have that problem. I just look at the dopeness. But you, it’s like you just look at the wackness, ya know?”
This movie certainly seems to emphasise the wackness. But to me it was redeemed by a standout little moment towards the end as Luke is stepping into an elevator and savours the experience of one of life’s true wacknesses:

Luke Shapiro: Do me a favor, Steph?
Stephanie: Huh?
Luke Shapiro: Don’t say nothin, ok? Just stand there til I leave. I wanna remember this. I’ve never done it before.
Stephanie: Never done what?
Luke Shapiro: Had my heart broken.

Life might be wack a hell of a lot of the time. But if you can savour every little bit of it, wack and dope, then maybe you’re getting the point.

Word.

Watchmen – Made to be watched by men?

Some of the most gratuitous violence I’ve ever hidden behind my hands from (granted I generally avoid violent movies at all costs). Superheroes. In lyrca and PVC. Having sex. Nuclear explosions. Awful, awful pseudo-philosophising. Innards.  The Forrest Gump soundtrack.Did I miss something?

If the point was that human beings are by nature base, violent and depraved, then it was really best demonstrated by the fact that so many people put so much time and effort into creating and viewing this movie in the name of entertainment.

That’s all I really have to say about that. One for the fans maybe. I didn’t get it.

He’s Just Not That Into You – and you are NOT the exception!

He’s Just Not That Into You has to be one of the first self-help books to be turned into a fictionalised Hollywood movie. It is based on the book of the same name – which to be honest, I haven’t actually read. Let’s bear in mind that it was written by former Sex In The City writers, one of whom is a comedian. Yes. As the man said himself in an interview I read recently, if you’re taking relationship advice from a comedian, it kind of says something about the state of your relationships.

Where do I even start with this movie? Initially, it seemed to be making some very valid points. Especially for someone like me who saw so much of herself in the bumbling, eager and self-doubting Gigi – a sweet girl who’s just looking for love and just doesn’t quite know the rules of these things. I’m pretty sure I’m not quite as cringe-worthy or as silly as Gigi but to be honest, I see far more of myself in her than I should really admit. How many girls didn’t quietly identify with a girl who, when told she shouldn’t go out with guys who aren’t that into her, wonders innocently “But then who will go out with me?”

So at first the message hit home – look at how pathetic you are, the movie cried! Can’t you see how obvious it is, dummy? If he doesn’t call, if he doesn’t text, if he treats you like crap, if he won’t marry you – he’s just not that into you! Don’t listen to all the people who have stories about friends of friends who ended up being the exception to the rule. You are not the exception, you are never the exception, don’t sit around waiting to be the exception. You are the rule!

This was up until about the last 10 minutes of the movie. And then, true to Hollywood and yet completely going against the entire message and premise of the whole movie, the final 10 minutes proceeded to undo everything the whole movie had been putting across. Suddenly the rules went out the window and all the girls were the exception. Suddenly the jerk really did care, the commitment-phobe really did want to get married – suddenly it seemed that maybe, just maybe, if you wait around for him just long enough – maybe you really will finally be the exception, maybe he really is into you after all and just didn’t know it. They actually took the whole ‘just get over it, be strong and move on’ message and totally turned it around, and in doing so perpetuated just exactly what the book and the first part of the movie was trying to make you let go of.

If the people sitting behind me in the movie weren’t sure of what I thought of this movie from my splutterings up til this point, I’m pretty sure they had a fairly good idea when a wedding festooned yacht exploded victoriously on screen and I couldn’t quite hold back the exclaimation of ‘Oh come ON!’ that burst forth in disgust.

The other bone I have to pick with this movie is the way it portrays women as pathetic, grasping beings just desperately groping after a man. The man, of course, being the one in control, who can grant or withdraw his attention at his cold-hearted whim. The basic message I got was: just accept that men are jerks and stop sitting around expecting them to act in any way like decent human beings.

I went to this movie as a fun ‘girl’s night’ with my female friends. We all came out of it feeling utterly defeated and drowned our incredible despair in glasses of wine, sitting around in stunned silence, occasionally muttering ‘man, I feel so depressed!’. I came out feeling so incredibly glad to be single and felt like I never ever wanted to go near another man ever again. This was about the time I started contemplating the advantages of life as a crazy old cat lady. I actually felt kind of disgusted at the thought of the whole male gender and didn’t want any of those bastards anywhere near me.

Well, when I say we all felt like this – I should say, all of us who were single. The one of us who was newly in a couple admitted to tearing up a little at the yacht scene. I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.

Do I sound bitter?

The worst part of it is that it wasn’t even funny. It was really more cringe-worthy than funny at any point. It was long, not funny, internally contradictory… I’m struggling to find any redeeming feature at all. Even the hot guy somehow lost so much hotness by being a complete asshole.

I would really love to hear a male perspective on this film. Are all guys really like this? Is there any hope?

Perhaps I better start adding cat food to my shopping list…

On The Other Hand…

When you look at nature, you can see purpose in everything.  To the casual observer it may look as if trees and plants do no more than grow, exist and die.  However, a closer look reveals that they provide habitats for countless animals, birds and insects, and the provide oxygen and food for the planet.  Without them we could not survive.  The trees and other plants make a contribution to the planet; they have a purpose

~ Brendan Nicols in Your Soul Purpose

The contrast between the above book passage which I came across recently and my previous post reminds me of the contrast between two of my favourite quotes:

Do something that makes you happy, that makes you love the day. Life is not a series of tests to pass or fail – life is a delight and an adventure.

~ Anon

(I found this in a magazine once when I was a teenager and have kept it ever since)

Contrast this:

I cannot believe that the purpose of life is to be happy. I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be compassionate. It is, above all to matter, to count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all.

~ Leo Rosten

I have always loved this pair of quotes because they seem to contradict each other and yet they both speak to some fundamental core truth within me.  I guess the phenomenon was summed up best by another great thinker:

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.

~ Niels Bohr

Despite all my wannabe existential nihilism that I spout from time to time, I just can’t escape the feeling that there has to be a purpose to all of this.  And,  more to the immediate point, a purpose to me.  I cannot be content to just ‘be’ without purpose.  I have this deep sense that I came here to do something, to serve some function, to acheive some end – even if that end is just my own evolution and growth.  And yet even that doesn’t feel right to me, that I should enter this life and this body solely for my own benefit.  I feel that I am meant for something, that I have something to give – to people, to the world.  I just can’t for the life of me figure out what it is.

I guess what I’m saying is that any time I harp on optimistically about the joyous meaninglessness of life, I’m actually full of shit.  What I’m doing is overcompensating for my utter sense of desperation in the fact that I ultimately can’t shake the belief that life – my life and all life - does have a purpose and my utter frustration at not being able to figure out what the hell it is. 

Do I believe that the purpose of life is to be happy?  Yes.  But ultimately, I think the truest happiness comes from finding your unique purpose and living it with all you’re worth.  You will never be truly happy until you are giving, being and doing what you came here to give, be and do.

Maybe I’ve just realised that opting for upbeat nihilism is really opting for defeat – it is giving up on the quest.

Emily will never give up on the quest. 

One day, one of these rainbows will lead to the pot of gold.  If it’s not this next one then hell – there will always be other rainbows.

Someone else again summed it up perfectly:

So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they’re busy doing things they think are important. This is because they’re chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.

~ Morrie Schwartz

I’m determined to find my own purpose, my own sense of meaning and my own contribution to make.  For now, I identify strongly with one of my favourite song lyrics:

I’m on my feet, I’m on the floor, I’m good to go
All I need is just to hear a song I know
I wanna always feel like part of this was mine
Wanna fall in love tonight

~ Praise Chorus, performed by Jimmy Eat World